Wednesday, 26 March 2014

I love you, Mum

It’s that time of year again, the strangest of all celebrations, where we are meant to thank our Mother’s for making the beast with two backs and as a (sometimes unwanted) result, gracing us with life. We’ve all seen the sickening billboards depicting a lady with a smile that only psychiatric patients find natural, clutching some form of supermarket tat hidden under questionable Christmas wrapping paper found in the last minute pressure of the whole the charade. Oh yes, here at Dumpster we are more than aware of our previous twenty-something years of gifting flowers, chocolates and generic ‘you’re female’ items. So, we though, hey – Let’s get RADICAL.

This year, we’re embracing the day and daring to dodge the tat! There will be no sparkly pink paper, vom inducing poetry or novelty shaped sweets. We’ve bashed our heads together and decided to spread our words of wisdom and give you some inspiration for celebrating the day.

For the over-the-top Mum: A bracelet made from your used dental floss.
You know the ones, she may still have a lock of your hair and first tooth knocking around the mantelpiece, or perhaps, just perhaps in the most extreme of cases - a segment of her placenta that encased you for those treasured nine months. Now you’re all grown up and able to fight back, why not play her at her own game?

For the truly average Mum: One of these cards.
We’ve been scouring the online realm and you have just enough time to nab yourself one of these beauties. Available from

For The green fingered Mum: A recycled plant pot right from the ass of mother nature (well, a cow).
We’re a sucker for some good old 100% recycled product, so why not give her a cow pat! These plant pots are everything eco and we know first hand- they are in fact odour free. It is amazing the over whelming decision you are struck with when faced with a dried cow pat… to lick or not to lick? Yes… it’s us, of course we licked them. And you know what? Its wasn’t bad. Not bad at all.

For The Alcoholic Mum: A wine bag.
We love a little tipple now and then, but this mum really takes the biscuit. She could incorporate alcohol into a toddlers party if she really tried. So why not help her out. Make that habit portable!

For The Chunkier Mum: A somewhat less-than-subtle fridge magnet.
She’s cuddly, well, she was a few years ago. Now it’s time to bring out the big guns, and highlight that issue with the funzies we all enjoy so much. (And, no, we’re not suggesting throwing about some ‘yo mumma so fat’ jokes).

For the Posh Mum: A hamper of the low-brow delights she is missing.
She knows her posh shit, and she likes it. Who are you to mess with the breathing time of her wine tannins? Well, it’s time to show her what she’s missing! We suggest a home-made hamper full of these wondrous creations.

For the cheap mum: Wipe away her shame.
Children of the cheap mum, we feel your pain. All those years of her insisting on buying the bootleg version of everything. Peering into your lunch box and spying that Wild and Whippy, whilst eyeing your Bessie chowing down on their luscious branded Milky Way. We can at least diminish the embarrassment of having to leave the house with a mum sporting a cheap green stained neck from where her Primark necklace has began to dissolve into her skin. These handy wipes will eliminate those stains branding her (and in association, you) cheap, and save you a slither of dignity.

-Kim Dollard

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